Also known as emotional manipulation, negging involves slipping an insult into a seemingly positive compliment. At first, it can be subtle, and you’ll most likely not see it as an insult. After all, someone can say something they didn’t intend on occasion.
However, negging is more than a slip of the tongue or a one-time mistake. It happens over and over. That’s why the slow, progressive nature of this type of emotional manipulation can desensitize you to its impact. Considering negging isn’t physical, you can easily think that it’s not a form of abuse. However, prolonged negging can hurt your self-esteem, change the way you live, and spiral into emotional abuse. Here’s how to know someone is negging you.
Backhanded Compliments
Imagine someone making you feel good, then knocking you down. This is a tried-and-true method to keep you on unsteady ground. It’s more effective when there are other people around you to witness it. That means you’ll most likely grin and bear it.
An example of a backhanded compliment would be, “Congratulations on winning the dancing competition. Perhaps you’ll give real spots a try someday.” Or, “You look fabulous. Though I would never wear my long hair like that.”
Comparing You to Other People
This is particularly true if you never come out on top. Whether the statement (comparing you with others) is true or not, it is an obvious way to show your shortcomings and probably make you feel ‘less than’ the people you’re being compared to.
For example, “Your high-school desk-mate now owns a prestigious company, why don’t you make something great of yourself?” Or, “Your friend is in such a perfect shape. Take a cue from her and begin working out.”
Insults Disguised as Constructive Criticism
For someone trying to manipulate you emotionally, there’s nothing constructive about the way they criticize you. Their statements are intended to hurt you instead of helping. For example, “I’m sure you put a lot of effort into composing that song, but it grates on everyone’s nerves.”
Disguising Insults as Questions
A creatively worded question can easily insult it. When you complain about it, you’ll be told that it’s just an ‘innocent’ question, and you may be overthinking it or making something out of nothing. There’s no mistaking it, it’s an insult and a manipulation tactic.
For example, “Do not take this wrong, but do you intend to eat that?”
Anyone can accidentally say something negative and hurt an individual they care about. However, they realize their mistake, apologize, and avoid it. However, emotional manipulation and abuse are a regular occurrence, and the perpetrator doesn’t apologize or try to improve their behavior.